Thursday, October 25, 2012

Often it's as if I am living a calculated dream-
Without a calculator.

Sunday, October 14, 2012

in the heart of hearts we learn to listen.
head down, in slight bow- asking that which is inherently within us, only so rarely is it accessed,
for answers as to how we are to begin, proceed, progress,
commencement comes with the ever so slight adjustment to our perspectives of what is right,
we are unpredicated
emancipated in the hours of after, in the instances prior...
become unchartered.
learning to take advice from the roadsigns on your own consistently accurate inward journey, is the route to righteousness.
i love not to be loved, and accept only that which frees, that which sees to prospering.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

are we chasing the nod or chasing the zap

un-televised incentive to rise, in the eyes of un-uniform demise it's no surprise
your integrity becomes a compromise.
but i refuse to degradate, underappreciate, elongate the weight, of the suffering upon my shoulders.
unburden your arms, unattach your hinderances, play no part in the solemn debate of ego's rapping at your door. for it is but an undermining method to leverage nothingness.
though often in the midst of seeking aliveness i rediscover the art of numb:
only to realize its cool fictitious breeze, is but a passing whim upon a storm.

life begins outside your comfort zone, and even though you may become brave enough to step there or displaced by default and end up there- it is only presence there that leads the way to lightness.


From the death of me, comes the birth of, i.

one of the precious moments in which i could barely get to the keys fast enough to allow the words to willing spill from my inner landscapes,
the vast lands of my unconscious, creative, heart-fire imploring me for opportunity to unleash, to ignite, to set free whatever revelation, however slender,
in its finest degree of art.
in these moments, i have little control.. there is no filter, no process, just mass burning exodus of reason, dis-reason illogical firey creative flow, liberating my mind from the brink, dissolving the barriers which bind me to moments in which i miss,
from lack of being mindful or honoring to my soul,
happens more often than i might wish to admit- it's a cyclical process making my way back here,
to this moment traveling so long, so far,
through halls of memory, rekindling their emotive sentiency for a moment,
recalling just enough data to render the lesson relevant and rationalize it to a place in which its understood. it makes sense. its no longer a threat of becoming regret.

a full cycle comes to a close with the early hours of autumn,
12 months in which i left behind a trail-unblazed but for partial effort to commit.
often when we revisit those points upon our journey in which we seem to attach to unfortunate incident or suffersome circumstance
and wish that we had done things differently, even marginally, for the sake of a potentially better today.
but, would the ability to forsee the future, cause you to change your mind about the moment?
would it beckon you to rethink your logic for decisiveness and action?
dis-empower your bravery, then?
my senses say no, as i sail through the notions, allotting space for them to breathe, unwinding them from my chest-
cutting the last strings on the ancient blanket that has been wrapped around my injured parts, of both soul and incarnation, perceived-ly creating some manner of shield.
though not comfortable, not protective, not warming nor anything meant to soothe- after too long attached to the remnants of the past - it becomes wound wool wear, wrapped wanly around my wounds.
unbandage the limbs, and you shall find them healed- near instantly... oxygen has that miraculous effect... ability to weave vitality into all that it encounters.
breathe into the instant and see again, perhaps the clearest you ever have- that every reason, every justification, every willful, purposeful, meaningful, mindful choice you have ever made- has been brilliant. utterly enlightened- in hindsight, in foresight, in your heart's light, become sure.
sure that you have taught yourself honor, come closer to your truest truth...
unwittingly saved lives,
supersonically allowed for growth,
silently made amends,
furiously been reborn, through seeming protracted paths, that in reality were simply from here to there- yet sans-full understanding of the shortcuts.
the long way always paints a more colourful perspective, later looked upon.
indeed, lessons come harvest- bring redemption.
fertile seeds of suffering that have spawn a long-growth garden, a seasonal shifting, fundamental.
written in time, it has been seen.

here's a worthy ally
Demonic forces are self-destructive but very powerful. Divine forces are constructive but slow and efficient. When demonic forces create imbalance, all gods unite, becoming one divine force called Shakti or Durga.
The name "Durga" in Sanskrit means "invincible". The syllable "du" is synonymous with the 4 devils of poverty, sufferings, famine and evil habits. The "r" refers to diseases and the "ga" is the destroyer of sins, injustice, irreligion, cruelty and laziness.

Sunday, August 5, 2012

dear mojo,

reverse the magic of your voodoo charms, turn inward the fire that ignites the intrigue,
allay the cool breeze that's blown across my centre for too long.
lift me up out of an arid complacency that threatens with vacany.
you are the charismatic clouds that herald fevered storm.

dear ambivalence,

i have nothing to say to you, one way or the other.

Friday, July 27, 2012

i am the cosmic cornucopia

a meditation for the moment in which you presently find yourself. or more so, i suppose its me who finds themself, without rest, dreams so vivid they rival the conscious-mind's creations in their expressions.
... do i dream, it's often as if i were dreaming now, some schools of thought would say i am simply a projection of my ego- others might think that in dreams, the ego does not exist.
the only safe haven is the present moment.
the only true reality. and the only place ego can never seek you out- ego and now can not co-exist for one is false, and the other- the only truth.

opening the chalice, i envision an abundance of energy pouring into my open heart, the cornucopia of all the cosmos exists within me.
in this realization all becomes possible.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

memes in exile

the burn begins as a slow hot spread from the centre point out.
like emptiness, ignited.
or a tide coming in...
a flicker needs nourishment to become a spark that clarifies,
& once flourished into focus...
we are driving the eye of our own storm,
...fearless despite the mirroring of pain, everywhere.
suffering and lack are curable diseases, if the oxygen could only flow into them... healing the roots of memory tied to their blossoming.
can something not considered particularly beautiful, such as fear or agony, be referred to in the context of 'blossoming,' since the root of 'blossoming' itself, is flowery & vital ?
all things are inherently good. programmed that way energetically. the signature of life is a cyclical optimism.
creation, destruction, light, dark, ying, yang, happiness, sadness... sadness especially is wonderfully flowery. someone once told me tears, were so beautiful...
and to embrace the pain i felt as if it were my closest ally. the notion in that moment seemed so reckless, so unattached, so idealistically implausible, yet how i remember his voice in that moment, catalytic...some of the most sound advice i have ever inadvertently received, offered to the wind... offered to the sea... so many prayers of rising, falling and rising again... the great ashed-winged warrior..
pheonix rising...uncomfortable former encasing- scorched away.
rebirth in another context, purer, more serene, more dedicated.

the three best forms of emotional therapy:

pick a favourite and commit your all to finding a way to flawlessly execute it.
really just give it in that moment.
through it, begin igniting the process to exiling your own predisposed holdings...
the fire starts slow... in the centrepoint of being... all lessons come through the heart.
its very existence a great filter to understanding the wisdom of being alive in these times, when the moment has come - come yet always been here... so perhaps it is you that's arriving.
turning to look at yourself, turning to see yourself, looking at you, in a mirror that has your reflection in it. (i am that i am.)
once you focus on the image - assign it a venue- laughter, screaming or crying- whichever one feels right: channel it.
...burning baggage.

Friday, July 6, 2012

form is emptiness, emptiness is form, giving is formless

do i inspire restlessness or is this restlessness simply a manifestation of a fiery drive seeking an outlet to focus on, to burn into slow and deep and consistent, like the eternal flame- deep- wrenching heart expanding and magnetic all at once.. i know this feeling- and often try very hard to dull it, dwindle its light and extinguish its sheer gravity- but it ever findsa way to reignite...a limitless emptiness that is the vacancy peace is made of, waits silently just round the corner near sacrifice, near stripping bare to the suffering that drives, in all its agony the evolution of humanity with its perpetual birth of sacred truth and constant space for possibility and opportunity to

  invoke the pheonix.

is it possible to give everything? evacuate all energy in service to any and all things of the light? it's a cycle, this act of consistently giving to the point of utter emptiness, utter abandon, utter - utter. but is it a feasible thing to believe that you can in fact, even give to the point of absolute emptiness? giving of oneself so fully that nothing remains impossible since the self- philosophically speaking, is non- existent anyway?
...are there different qualities to emptiness? relative to interpretation and dependent upon how one reaches such state?
perspective-driven results that lead to the same state, simply dawning polar-opposite views of said space?...

ego''s slight convolution:
is sacrifice and service and un-suspect giving the road to a place of discomfort, of lack, of depletion and emaciation of spirit?
is not absolute emptiness in some venues of thought, the goal? to be completely free of worldly constraints - eastern flavoured philosophical notions circle around ' Śūnyatā'
the noun form of the sanskrit adjective: śūnya" meaning"empty" or "void"; ( ta = ness )
yet interestingly, its root comes from the word 'svi' meaning " swollen"
it's the added 'ness' which delivers the concept its full breadth of meaning.
(isn;t everything in life about the 'ness'? )
emptiness is in fact transitory- a balance between utter evacuation of baggage to allow for space that is subsequently 'swollen' with potential for personal growth, the realized achievement that allows for liberation and transformation.

the ultimate nature of reality is empty. formless, and the mere phenonmena that we experience, however illusory, crafts our response and interaction with the reality we continue to seek insight and understanding from.

Emptiness of emptiness.

"when we examine the nature of reality, we find that it is empty of inherent existence. Then if we are to take that emptiness itself is an object and look for its essence, again we will find that it is empty of inherent existence. Therefore the Buddha taught the emptiness of emptiness." (In The Art of Living (2001) the 14th Dalai Lama )

what is indeed in question- as not to lose the intent of the inquiry, is the path to which we reach this state of being- existing peacefully in emptiness, fullness, having given all, to open all...

how much suffering and sacrifice and service must be rendered - in order to reach inside and discover a truth so deepened we need no longer question its nature?
it's the actions that shape the lives we strive to thrive in, and the ration of those actions that ought to be self-less, that cause me to continually question-
the concept of giving not for the sake of return in any measure, is always a factor in choice, yet still the nature of intent, deserves a brief examining...
selfless service, cultivation of generosity and unconditional offering in kindness is a welcome practice in my world, as is the desire to do limitless, good for my people- unbound in fact- as boundaries are another topic worth exploring meaningfully at another moment, but boundless is the precise word for the level at which i desire to give to those i love....
so i suppose quel questionnae is simply - what is the bridge between martyrdom and bodhisattva-like behaviour?
is there one?
is it perspective like all else in this existence,even as i semi-articulate the question i know the answer. yet it must be the continual ask, questioning, meditation that moves forth w. fresh-faced pace, the cycle of evolution....


 i have forever been carrying this feeling around with me, that i am on the verge- always and perpetually and never-ceasingly on the verge of something, something big, something vast and wide and wonderful and yet to be discovered. i dont ever recall a time in this life when this feeling has not been present, i live here on the edge of my glory, at the start of my story.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

patriotism, reflections, oneness,

i was born here, 30 years ago when the seasons had 4 separate and distinct comings and we just have cold & not cold.
thanks to the climatechange we've worked so hard to support- (however ignorant we claim to be in that- truth is truth in the story of sustainability.

canada day = not cold; and i revel in the perfect comfort of a backyard hammock- suspended from the roving ants beneath, whose presence floods the ground as if they were troops assembling for battle; in reality though they are simply living their ant-lives.

amazing how life whirrs by as we soundlessly take for granted the beauty of its absolute uncertainty.
its brevity is sobering in the wee hours of midlife- though i never imagined i would even reach 20.
i recall those days, early in self-imposed exile from nourishment, when i thought self-deprication was oh-so sexy, its broody arduousness casting a mysterious shadow of charisma.
i've since learned- over and over, year after year, day after day, moment after moment- that once we let go of shame-- we no longer feel such compulsion to destruct.
sexiness is in the ability to accept. unconditionally.

articulation is always so much easier than execution though... and while the knowledge feeds like an IV drip, somehow, its so simple to ignore- take for granted, to allocate attention elsewhere.
...must be the rush of learning lessons that hit like a car wreck? a needle to the vein of understanding... but is it overwhelm that is craved, or simply pain?

are we addicted to tragedy?
am i?
is it avoidance of the grey area- ( as an abhorrent purgatory where i may bide time striving for nothingness) or is it the fierce feeling of waking up wild- like an unbound protagonist in the arc of my plot?

i seek not for an answer but for a simple appreciation, as in: knowing my fate is not held by an answer.
as life unfolds each moment, and im untold each instance...
led down some great stretch of unmarked highway, signless terrain,
w/no map or app to navigate what is real- i become that much closer to discovering grace.

Friday, June 8, 2012

in the wee hours i await, quietly, my soundmachine echoes a pseudoocean
4000miles away i left something intrinsic, and in these hours i reclaim it.
without needing to, as it was never not here to begin with.
ever present.
its often i wait for these hours to dive for the solutions that are under the surface yet protected like waterformed inside a blister, untouchable if it is to heal.
the questions that require asking in order to move forward are always those in which we know the answer to, but have so insidiously blanked from the canvas in the battle with the self to paint great works of transformation.
what is it that i have, that is of use to me in manifesting the life i want, yet i ignore its value, existence, power?
what is the quality i need the most of in order to move forth?
what is it that holds me back and at once gives me great power, for the greatest lessons are always in the most challenging of circumstance.
why is it so difficult to maintain clarity?
i know its not as simple as having too many theta waves running through my brain, deprogramming takes place in a state of conscious being, and i believe no longer in passive therapeutics.
reflection, calculation, civilization, retribution, ambient wonder.... in a single moment you can change the course of the entire universe as it exists to you... yet how do you break those unconscious loops of thought that continue on their vinyl recourse, forgotten meoldies of songs i never knew.
drawn into my heart, imprinted by karmic measure,
im rewriting symphonies without ever learning to read.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

the flavor of dreams resonates a sortof recurring message of massacred faith
i swear to myself so often that i have done the work to heal certain parts of myself
certain relationships with certain concepts
but alas, nothing is certain..
and the breeze of uncertainty blows in a reckoning
a time for release.
yet how do you rid what was once so deeply woven into the very essence of you...
conspire to erase what you loved...?
.... seems tragic, impossible, without answer...
and within the walls of forgotten lives the moss grows, the roots still exist
the webs of spiders weaving lament that requires reconciliation, cleansing,
remnants for removal..
this dream i continue to have in which the circumstances change but the message is the same,
reminds me...all is but another opportunity to redefine

Thursday, May 24, 2012

in the free and blessed hours where we have alotted ourselves the opportunity to simply be with ourselves without pretense or overshadow or the loom of impending activity... all things have the opportunity to become crystallized.
the telltale signs of progression resound rather subtlely, simply, within the quiet moments wherein we are not focused upon the lists and the arduous path to whateverwhichever staggered success we've fixated upon next, ive been living so long in silence in cyclical patterns within my own mandala, representative of a many faceted approach with a singular intention ....
the mundane creeps in often begging to be appreciated rather than numbed and diluted for an altered perspective, impossible it is, for something to be anything other than what it is, by nature.
i am in and out of the flow when i battle against uncertainty, with refusal to accept its utter perfection
with refusal to recognize my own righteousness, accept my own self-deprication and learn the methods in which to foster healing...
yet i know them. in my bones, my reflexes, my instincts understand.. its only an intellectual block that requires removal..

as we move through evolution and release old baggage and endeavour to move forth with a heart that is clear like the sea... it strikes me how thickly the walls inside us become built up upon... like hardened arteries...
the relationships of my past, regularly haunt me. some more than others and many specific instances, but regardless of detail the premise is the same. its been a series of sacrificial, egotistical, self-indulgent digressions, objectifications, chemical reactions...amidst the nonchalant search for equality and balance and a healthy exchange. i see this first within myself, knowing all of these issues stem from unaddessed suffering- but suffering unaddressed can so easily be healed with simple awareness
we can free our relationship shadows, heal our relationship patterns and begin fresh new adventures by choosing simple confrontation to the house of mirrors in the soul.

Monday, April 30, 2012

in the hours of after
within the focused now, the rain falls slow, springtime blessings,
switch the soundtrack to a stormy solvency
if ther was nowhere left to go, but here would you pay the price of transit fare, awaken through false pretense, embrace the catalyst within...

i was never one of those girls, with her heart visibly upon her sleeve
...always veiled it w/ incognito fabrics, flowing and satin that barely touched the skin beneath them.
....yet still it was ever there, like nipples under a dress, a breeze bringing to attention their exquisite existence...
the heart makes a silent imprint on all whom i touch,
as their imprint is also upon me,
sometimes like a lingering scent,
sometimes a casual whiff of curiosity..
...&never being evident in sensitivity,
i always admired those with an effusive and open temperament
firey dispositions and charismatic transparency.
 it's a gift to determine the most successful way to live under the weight of understanding,
wading through the growth and the lessons
and teaching the heart nothing, ( we are foolish to believe we truly can.
the heart is its own marching band, the bass line a powerful magnetic funk
( &regardless of how well you believe you protect that sleeve, always finds its way back to that place of naked ambition.
finds its way to rise, to unconditonally strive, to surrender without any suspicion of wavering affection.
when does the time come in your life,
when you realize its time to get naked- strip away the articles of fashion that adorn those places in which your heart makes its home
sets up camp
if its on sleeves- go sleeveless
& just wear it like a warrior's armor.
naked but for that lovecharged uniform of courage and grace.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

newmoons and downstreaming

on the heels of the new moon the energy flows abundant, infusing momentum, entering untapped arenas of life-giving space... breathe into the now and recall no instances in which you were troubled by the never-ceasing persistence of time,
....timeless are the moments in which you recognize the utter absurdity of it all, the perfection of each flaw, each countered by flourish in the light of an accepting perspective.

each day arises like it was never scorned, never insulted nor degraded nor cursed for being 'the worst'
never begrudging, never holding you to account for your previous ungratefulness.

as assuredly as the earth vibes upon its axis through the journey of the night,
...each never-failing dawn loyally returns to bring comfort to the casualties of tomorrow (  if only they'd notice 'now, their status would improve. )
from casualty to casual...
stay nonchalant, nonattached, nimble in your wit, humble in your words, as most certainly you will be expected to confidently stand behind them.
there is no room for arrogance in the quest to live with meaning.
seems we struggle though regardless, with countless bouts of ego, mindfulness counters, yet still, it slips in - n' while unannounced or uninvited, it's ego all the same.
confrontation of the issues which bind it to existence, will deliver reprieve from the energetic leakage of self-consciousness, of desirous-ness, of spiritual emptiness, of greed and anger and suffering and want- for these are vices that hold no principle to the truth of what's divine.
be instead full, grateful for the smallest measure of insight, the wildest measure of intrigue, as the truest measure of character shines in the capacity for courage.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

its never not now and when isnt it?

not much needs to make sense in order to progress -
its a secret inside joke between yourself and you, that gives you the compulsion to derail - that you must remain a party-to
- a pre-emptive tragedy: is changing the channel to auto-pilot; which never saw any evolutionary programming take place in the heart of your hearts.
better to alleviate with forgiveness.
turn off the need for excess
moderation in all things - +all viewpoints become clarified, or more so embodied with the ability to facilitate true-sight.

if you imagined yourself a great vast canyon ... upon a carved earth peak ...a telescope into forever
will you climb within to reach that vantage- or be satisfied knowing such sight is possible.
good question to put things into perspective as to the magnitude of importance of your ego,
an inquiry worth its salt- if you were standing on an unpredictable fault line,
would the earth embark on swallowing you- or would you dance upon it gracefully with appreciation for the utter innocent vulnerability of a planet so ready to open her arms to you-
while you judge and covet and argue blindly with the truth which is so inherently obvious it leads ignorant to seek programmed distractions with undermining messaging to digress them from healing - perpetuate illness, and non-action and exploitation of that which is only natural...

the perfect grace that exists in the symbiotic connection of all living things, inspires a quiet truce within
if only we would get out of our own ways, we could truly know what the missing element for integration with bliss is. its found on a fault line, ready to break open at any moment- demanding justice
can i catch the next train in the recurring dream im having where im always late, the station clock is not on time, i havent the fare to fund a ticket or im hopping off escaping transit police..?
seems the transport's destination remains unknown, or im not sure who to call for a ride once i've missed the 11:43am or the 12:13pm stop.
...perhaps a consistent persistent attempt at getting home, feels that way when im in it,
the dream can never reveal just quite where im off to, but im running...
and im avid like a fujahtive,
or im primal like a refugee.
the nature of instinct lays in the ability not to debate, but to simply, intrinsically- trust.
it's faith that leads traveling warriors to rise up, run off into the nights and the days, wild like unleashed prisoners... escapees from a zoo.
...the real zoo of life is not in the outer-wordly obstacles but the chaos that's within
bound like a rooted sapling, or sprawling ivy vines striving to elegantly and effortlessly cover the side of someone's home...
either one is a starting point for beginning the pilgrimage to unraveling the balance,
discovering the counter point and breathing into the flow...
chaos disseminates with the exhale of realized mundane... a simple awareness of what is.
the way becomes clear, like a path fading into view within the heart of a great mossy forest, ahead- amidst a tunnel of leaves and a mile of unfaltering can see
the distance between here and there, is here.
... the rest is barely visible, but the breeze of promise is a certainty.

the sound of evolution, is it a quiet sonnet in the night, without rhyme or reason....
or does it blare into reality remorselessly and randomly like a siren heralding awakening-
solemn are those who desist in controlling the volume of their understanding.
leap like a tragic hero in an epic tale of redemption into the racket...
alive in the instant.
careless out of the gate.
... worry is a tossed article of clothing removed furiously in a sexcharged encounter,
cast off like an obstacle defeated on the way to victory,
to nakedness, to fusion, to oneness of spirit..
enduring are the memories imprinted during moments of epiphany-
...turning points burn right into your cerebrum, tattooed by divine ink without a canvas,
for canvas is ephemeral- ...illusory and constructed only briefly, to navigate art to its most useful destination... - a reference point that becomes a rearview mirror by which to keep tabs on the lessons you have learned.
forward and inward ever stalwart, be no casualty to compromise or to surprise,
w/tbrilliant unexpected plot twists, not corrupted by previous suffering (for if you carry no whiff of retention the pain does not exist...all is an unopened letter, an envelope delivered by the universe.
-an unpretentious choice is one made without assumption or anticipation,
... but instead quietly and as effortlessly as opening an unlocked door

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

the arc of organic art exists in the absence of overanalysis.
rather it is whimisical, fluid, pointillated by digressions...

Friday, March 2, 2012

to all the peeps whom hurt me, whom i thought had loved me, who had held me close to their breasts... in times of vulnerability and openness and unpretentious acceptance, i believed.
& to those in whom i had blindly believed, and from whom i had not expected the same but had hoped in blind faith would come,
to all those moments i realized, that i silently knew, that i heard my gut speak out-
yet had heard and not listened,
to the nights i spent mourning,
and the days i woke grateful- for the pain and the promise the candor and the compromise,
the notions of wellness and lightness of being and unforgiven instances no matter how great -
to the ultimate reality and the ultimate ignorance and the ultimate need to let it all go,
i imagine great landscapes of resolve and rainy tuesdays with drawn curtains,
smoking & vinyl & green tea & carpet picnics... great formidable reprieves from ego.
a tasteless remnant, a memory's imprint an unforced intrigue not held at the helm
sensual and vast, in blows the weather- infusing the night, a narration its own.
to the storm and the sacrifice and the freedom that whispers, a song that is resonant of reprogramming my routes.
& to those routes that will lead to a soulful salvation, i thank thee with tenure, & perpetual grace.

"May the loving kindness engendered by the cultivation of generosity in your life,
 be returned to you a thousand fold.

Friday, February 24, 2012

urban wilderness and other motions of the soul

its a wilderness inside the snugly veiled communities within.
your internal dialogues like burroughs of a vast cityscape...
coming together under a unified name.

moments of resonating progress and clarity are overshadowed by the vast terrain inside the unknown.

i think too much and the words get jumbled, fumble over each other like sheepherded peeps making a break for a fire exit.

the soft flow of tuning into the divine becomes elusive when imposed structure sedates it.
so instead be quietly lulled, patient, think little, be present, yet only to be an instrument for the symphony of the soul that can only be heard when fearlessly surrendered to.

i listen for the breath of the truth that's adjacent to the vacancy of thought
there is a fine line between wisdom and admittance of complete lack of knowledge.
i choose the path of knowing nothing,
for in those moments i become clearer and more at peace than i have ever been.
as with presence in humility,
we rise.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

dear mirror i needed you,

& you needed me to cease briefly the repeating of the loop of thought that makes you mad.
that traverses you through nights of listless indulgence and compromise to that inkling within you that knows you need to change.
that whiff of freedom and of glaring truth that makes you sacrifice to perpetuate your methodology, however destructive.
the mirror of the past shining through triggering an unleashing that only act of habit can pull the dam on... im grateful to be your catalyst, your reminder for breaking through suffering
to be the target and the standard by which you draw your ideal of happiness,
even though the reality in application, quite differs.
it never quite made it into the reality. to the tangible. made it to sustainability.
i suffer not in the wake, but for the crest of the waves which drives me forward in the world.. swells along the side of the universe, brushing up against its glorious possibilities...
everything is still everything, and sometimes we go back just to be sure. sometimes through misunderstanding and confusion we pause, smirking at the far off reflections of ourselves that we are not yet ready to see... but still they remain, waiting 'round the corner, slyly presuming surprise once we get there.
i see who you are and in that moment i am presented a clearer picture of who i am, in this great xylophone dream, i thank you for the gentle nudge, the elbow to the ribs of whats real.
and i remain your everloving accomplice, alongside, unattached,
and always ready to remind you of yourself,

theheart of all that transpires,
the flesh of this incarnation, who thanks you for not using it as a method to ease the passing,
the mind thats forever clear when choices for the greater good are made,
the soul. who regardless of circumstances stays rooted, a true warrior who influenced and swayed by nothing remains true.

gratitudeglossary..108measuresofgrace pt ll

continued from part one
{.... grace count 32 }

gratitude weaves juicy robust intrigue into mundane appreciation.
gratitude grants magic & miracle to otherwise simple thanks.
praise for the richness and depth that it gives to meaning,
to the profound remembering that awakens it from casual slumber.
...a diligent exercise in mastery of moments.
a lessening to false tragedy, fabricated dramatics, chameleonchaos, breeding minute instances of formidable flourish.
emotion is shining and translucent in surmise to tracing the elegance of thegratefulfeeling that floods in soaking through the fabric of awareness, like an accidental incontinence on the trousers of perception....gratitude turns meek into majestic.
its subtlety a whimsical and contented dance. fluid and full without overshooting its excellence.
graceful and confounded even before its birth.
for the birth of gratitude is incessant
consistent if properly aligned and made fertile for.
onto the instances, the paramount factors for perpetuating the list of neverceasing potential

grateful for so much suffering in the wake of creation, so much death making way for rebirth. the pain that makes pregnant the possibility to evolve, to shine brighter, to serve higher the resolute- the graceful, the truth.

gratitude for your has taught me much about the true meaning of courage. of bravery. of fullheartedness and ego and sacrifice and of love.
its pitiful existence a catalyst to that which i previously & repeatedly refused to do.
to put myself first. to commit to my own success. to re-enforce my own virtue and values and vigilante nature. where you lack is where i am strong. where i have built even higher standards for integrity in action, even stronger bridges in the ashes of former failure.

gratitude for the lessons i learn each and every moment, if excellence is in fact habit, we are what repeatedly do, each moment to each- and in every instance that i remember to be mindful.. to exhale with intention and become present for my life, i am affirming appreciation for the truth of existence. repetitive awakening that neverceases- and creates space for my unfolding.

i am grateful for afternoons filled with ambient promise - the moments i am here- in this moment, by my hand becoming freer... seeing further.

for candlelit altars and symbols of sacred intention... for the countless tealights i have burned into the atmosphere of my manifestingreality... for fire.

gratitude for choice. i am grateful to live in a world that is free. this point could be sticky as the notion of freedom is entirely up for debate, and entirely dependent upon individual perspective, but in this example my gratitude perhaps ought to be extended instead geographically... so then i am grateful for Canada. for its wide open spaces.. cold dawns and intense skies full of sunshine. for some semblance of equality and thus ability to live as it were, on terms of our own. without standards of oppression or political imprisonment ( explicitly not implicitly.. as again political imprisonment is another perceptionbased truth. )

gratitude for the fact i am a woman. mysterious and sublime it is to be uniquely feminine, with differing parts yin and yang.. feminine in incarnation.. how wondrous that notion.
how deliciously fertile with potentiality. to discover reclaim the divine feminine is a worthy and glorious opportunity to be given. let us not lose sight of the inherent magnificence of being woman.
so resilient. so full of persuasion. so much more ability than we choose to embody.

gratitude for levelheadedness. even on the most mad of evenings, in the lowest of landscapes and the most chaotic,ridiculous &seeming tragic situations i always have my head.
my rationality never fails me when i need it.
semantics is my sustainability.
i know where my integrity is and all notion of right and wrong are based upon its scale, which being at heart, for the greater good and the higher truth, always churns out just what is needed. the correct answers.
gratitude for my inherent goodness.

for my big fat heart, that regardless of how many times is the subject of attempted or inadvertent homicidal, malicious, or byproductofselfabsorbed acts, is always willing to go back for more.
to be unleashed again. to open up and shine its nonambivalent transcendental lovelight cross the dawns of new worlds.

gratitude for smiling. its simple muscular movement changes the composition of the entire universe within ourselves. and creates an influx of simple, subtle goodness without.

gratitude for mala beads, and sandalwood and scarves weaved from silky fabric. material though they are they bring simple sensory joy to the act of being human.

for words that seem to come from nowhere, and everywhere, from within and beyond. for the fact that every time i write i feel like i am solving a mystery. unraveling a riddle... deconstructing a memory by giving wings to its graces. holding space for the divine, attending mass for the soul. delivering wisdom to the otherwise left unattended notions, clearing the runway for takeoff.
for the tears that almost come surely to my eyes when i know i have pulled the thread of awareness from the sweater of the veil and come one step closer to remaining free without compromising myself to come back to the place in which i can sum it all up.
i know i will arrive there, the way is already without obstacle. and with my view into now, i can let go of excess complication.


32+26 = 58 tbc

Thursday, February 16, 2012

for the longing... for the empty hours and empty halls and unforgiven accidental tragedies, let them be.
its a wonderment, these times in which we exist, oblivion in one corner and possibility in another.
awaken the senses within you which deliver you, which carry you, which decipher you in awkward instance...
is not so difficult, all is but a remembering, a travelling full circle, a homecoming..
there is no prerequisite for forgiveness
nothing to be held to an invisible standard
forgiveness knows no such witholding.
& it is fine with being an unrequited gesture.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

"human beings are not doers, we are deciders, once the decision is made the doing just happens..."
inspired words for a time when we spend so much time and put so much stock into simply remembering the power of setting intention as a means to empower resolute action.
it is said that we must be before we can do, and we ought to be instead of become... all is a matter of tense  to be, to become..not mutually exclusive .. resolve to strive for simultaneous execution...for succession of successfully sound moments.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

5 things that need cultivating in 2012

in no particular order.
and always with grace.





there is no space for ambivalence in the want to overcome.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

traverse reality.
and i am given opportunity to make amends...
just another leg of the soul retrieval mission... reaching back 10 years to reclaim the pieces of myself i thoughtlessly dropped on the doorstep of hopeful union with the promise of a future never paid for.
what staggering bliss it is to release the trivialties.
leveraging emptiness
alleviating fullness
in excess
in futility
without reason to perpetuate...
sing clearly the swansong of your suffering
let it resonate across the dark corridors of your regret
its agony a deep and cleansing richness..
the colour of real. the thickness of always.
imagine a world in which you created precisely what you cast down in the shadow of your idealistic discourse of utopia... imagine it and then recognize youve zero control over evn the most minute of whimsical detail.
every instance is a surprise, an unfolding unto itself,
foretold by no one..
and you are solemn in your quest for resolution i am sure,
but solemn lacks enterprise. its weak in its promise to give life.

Monday, January 2, 2012

randomrecipe- tasty(superfood)balls

in these last years, cooking has almost become a lost art to me.
especially after having spent so much of 2011 living(working) on the beach in Tulum, with wonderful mexican chefs to make my meals. ( i swear that makes me sound a hell of alot more pampered than i am.) one thing i did bring home with me to Canada was a whole host of inspired thinking around eating, including some newly acquired superfood-tastes.
in any case, with the late '11 health challenges i encountered, and the newly refined menus i am growing accustomed to, along with the typical early-year cleansing n' recommitment to nurturing the temple and i did some experimental culinary creation:

heres what came out:


 2tbsp dry steel cut oats

1 tbsp ground chia
( you can use chia seeds too if you like,  but soak them for a half hour first )

1-3ish tbsp whey protein
( there's some question about whether whey is actually good for you, i choose to believe it is )

1-2 tbsp hemp<3s

2 or 3 tbsp raw cacao powder

some generous squeezes from the honey pot
( since i don't have my own apiary yet, my fav. is organic wildflower or manuka honey )

2 tbsp raw coconut oil
( i foster a coconut oil obsession,  i recco. to use it for just about everything, but please don't buy the stuff in the plastic jars, bpa/leeching & all )

1.5 tbsp ( a fat pinch ) raw shredded coconut

1 tbsp raw sunflower seeds ( or toasted if it pleases you )

grated shredded or otherwise chopped - organic baby carrots ( 2 or 3 of them will suffice )

crushed raw pistachios & crushed raw almonds
( - add a wee bit of the nuts to the mix and save the rest )

- mix that shit up
- roll your balls in the nuts ( they ought to be nice and coated with the mixture )
- place into a dish lubed with coconut oil
- bake in a 300-350ish oven for a spell ( maybe 15 min? )
- take out and pop into fridge asap, for like an hour-ish
- eat as desired. packing muchos energy they are a good AM choice.

* 1 tbsp = a big fat overflowing heap
** ish = as much as you like within modest bounds
*** im pretty sure every ingredient on here can be categorized as a 'superfood'  this recipe can also be made to be totally raw if you nix the 20min bake sesh
**** i think, if you desired, you could substitute the oats for amaranth ( which has the highest protein content of any grain ) or quinoa, or both; - they would be equally as tasty
***** they'd prob. also be tasty w/ goji, cran or blueberry too if you feel like 8 superfoods just ain't enough
****** this random creation is vegan and organic and turned out surprisingly yummy

Sunday, January 1, 2012

wabi sabi

with thanks from my beautiful co-conspirator Ms. Mary Georgio
2012 ought to be the year to implement the wabi sabi mindset.


key ideas:

Living in the moment - escaping unnecessary thoughts of the past and future.
Simplicity - putting the greatest attention into the few things that are most important to you.
Emptiness - leaving the space for new things to come into your life.
Sobriety - retaining dignity, self control, common sense and level headedness.
Intuition - to be able to understand without analytical or logic reasoning.
Transient beauty - an appreciation of beauty that comes and goes.
Nothing is complete - understanding that life is a process without clear beginnings and ends.
Acceptance - to adapt to changing circumstances and make the best of any situation.
Imperfection - embracing and loving people, things, nature as they are.
Asymmetry - to be free from making symmetrical or regimented patterns and layouts.
Appreciation - to cultivate an attitude of endless appreciation for ourselves and the world we live in. Seeing wonder in everything.
Tranquillity - to free ourselves from all the unnecessary noise, clutter and distractions that distract us from finding that inner peace.
Naturalness - living close to nature, using natural materials.
Nothing contrived - to express ourselves freely without conforming to fashion.
Non attachment - freedom from doctrines, concepts and beliefs.
Humbleness - being ourselves without projecting our ego. Leading an unassuming, unpretentious, unostentatious life.
Modesty - to live a life that is varied without indulging in excesses or extremes.
Austerity - to be free from pandering to luxuries and enjoying simplicity.
Embracing change - enjoying the idea that everyday is new and different, that our world is full of variables and that nothing is static.

2012 is the year we ought to be asking ourselves, not " what should i do" but " how can i serve?

Love leans in with forgiving Grace to replace the millennia of suffering with an opportunity for elevation, for re-creation of our species&...