to all the peeps whom hurt me, whom i thought had loved me, who had held me close to their breasts... in times of vulnerability and openness and unpretentious acceptance, i believed.
& to those in whom i had blindly believed, and from whom i had not expected the same but had hoped in blind faith would come,
to all those moments i realized, that i silently knew, that i heard my gut speak out-
yet had heard and not listened,
to the nights i spent mourning,
and the days i woke grateful- for the pain and the promise the candor and the compromise,
the notions of wellness and lightness of being and unforgiven instances no matter how great -
to the ultimate reality and the ultimate ignorance and the ultimate need to let it all go,
i imagine great landscapes of resolve and rainy tuesdays with drawn curtains,
smoking & vinyl & green tea & carpet picnics... great formidable reprieves from ego.
a tasteless remnant, a memory's imprint an unforced intrigue not held at the helm
sensual and vast, in blows the weather- infusing the night, a narration its own.
to the storm and the sacrifice and the freedom that whispers, a song that is resonant of reprogramming my routes.
& to those routes that will lead to a soulful salvation, i thank thee with tenure, & perpetual grace.