a life well lived is one in which we stand not beside ourselves in disbelief, but behind ourselves in self-belief.

stillness vs. motion in the art of presence

today, i remembered, as i felt myself get all hot and wonderful, the endorphins swirling 'round after the first post-recovery workout... running and warrior squats, pushups, headstands, and a few pullups, in the playground around the corner,....music blasting in my ears....breath hot in my lungs,
it became clear again; why it was that i first became so obsessed with training &the gym.
it wasnt solely about my warped self perception back then, more than that, it was the freedom and mindfulness and escape, found during that time of disciplined exertion of so much physical energy.
that is why i loved it, the love affair ensued as i discovered i could lose, and find myself, all in the same place whilst furiously expending my energy.
...that crazyfireykundalinicreativeenergy... that stormed inside of me, creating so much restlessness, and need for action and movement and creation...

this notion is near to the heart of my biggest lesson lately too, which is learning to appreciate and flourish in stillness... something that i still yet struggle with, which given our culture, is not uncommon, but still creates much unrest in those of us who over-examine its effects.

i recorded a random stream of consciousness type video that briefly touched on this idea - back in oct. the concept of discovering stillness and singleminded focus and peace, in the art of movement, and as i found myself in the centre of such need for stillness...for ar.t inmotion to become still remains what feels like a foreign concept...
to further articulate the concept of motion and meditation... take running for example; pounding the pavement, our lungs full of fire; a place where we are forced to focus, on the simple task of breathing.


all other thoughts vanish, save for that primal need to just breathe. so perhaps it is the act of doing that we discover the concept of being. the energy of meditation is mindfulness, presence, awareness and concentration and allowing... yet finding it the art of doing over being seems to contrary to its essence, yet for someone with a mind that moves non-stop, ever-producing ideas, and creative plans and an excess of philosophical notion, it makes sense.
learning to channel so much kinetic energy while being still, is an incomparably difficult task. one that can transmute into madness if not properly managed.
there is very little that occurs in our waking hours, that requires no energy burning...near all we do expends energy; and cultural influence aside,
simply as creative, problem solving beings, we are consistently putting out, putting out, putting out...
why?
perhaps because....its safe in that place, in that mode, in the constant release of energy, through art or through communication or through brutal 4 hour workouts... its safe because we are forcing ourselves to a place of presence.
a shortcut to true stillness?
its no mystery that mindfulness is key to happiness, to real enlightenment...
through this exercise-induced recollection, the other thing i have reaffirmed is that, for those whom find their space in exertion over inertia, it seems as if that is a phenomenon that arises perhaps, because we cannot find that stillness, that space, that singular focus, anywhere else but through movement.

chaos though calm, calm through chaos...i suppose meditation knows no action, really, other than awareness.

sacredspaces

sacredspace;
temples of devotion to our dreams and our dharma.
expressions of affirmations that nourish our longings to rise... to transform... to extend great expansive influence over the landscape of our lives.

sacredspace; an ever-permeating concept;
being and doing, creating and allowing, action and stillness, awareness and honoring...

sacred exists in the balance. between faith and diligence.
the balance of artful living;
delicate and dynamic....
...vulnerable and unwaveringly strong.

sacred is the personification of art's reverence to symbolism.

in the abundance of sacred in all that is... mundane moments, and majestic ones, are unified.

unity is the undertone of all things creative.
...creation is connection and connection is most sacred.
art is lipservice to the divine.. the flavour of salvation...sacred sustenance by which to nourish more beautiful realities... sustain more shining aspirations.

....sacredspaces are within us, breeding in those pools of inspiration.
igniting in the primal desire to connect.
to experience something divine...
to be called to the highest purposeful production.
once blessed by suchsacredawareness... living becomes a ritualistic dance rife with expression.

sacredspaces inside, once realized, mobilized, carried on, with knowing, that despite circumstance and scenario... we are indomitable if aligned with our unique expression.

integrity acts a shield protecting these fertile innerspaces,
our temples of truth...of perennial possibility..
as sacredbloomsforth from within .... creating art of all life,
build those spaces for the divine to manifest its amenity by beauty...

construct gorgeous nooks whereto pay homage to your dreams...
platforms on which to energize and empower your creations...
...altars for actualization.
infuse them with potentiality.

sacredspaces make real the intentions we have to succeed. to nourish. to evolve. to be free.
sacredspaces: veneration for all that is possible.

shine on the shadows we cast. pt1

... we stand afraid of our own light so very often, creating our own shadow
...darkening hours and spirits.. like the cast of a great majestic tree across the roof of survival.
the shadow is only the yin side of happy... the dark side of smiling...the suffering of joy. and exists only as a projection of that which we yet cannot bring to light... expose.. grant visibility to...

collective reckoning, forsaken beckoning
is the reality we create ever experience-able by any other than ourselves
through our own eyes and with our own hearts.
how do you allow patience for deliverance, in the wake of so much suffering-
deliberation, manifestation,
acquisition of faith... begets broken promises
false ideals... unequated words..no syllables that can free the pure intent, as its dilution is inevitable if the frequency is wrong.
resounding notions of freedom become whispers in the latent resolution that sits still underneath the window of awareness... a formidable realness, a heavy handed motive with yet underlying quality...
fortune says you must learn from its misses.
deliberate instinctual action amidst so much chaotic immobility.
we are alone and never alone, not forsaken in our finest hours of pain, but one with the eternal emptiness that alleviates all...
can faith be restored with simple forgiveness or are there amendments to forgiveness' foundation; particulars that alter the integrity of belief.
trust is a delicate veil that permits us to be, act and expect in accordance with true-hearted belief.
if we dismiss its fragility by testing its vulnerable areas, can we overcome, mend breakage with forgiveness, or do the loopholes depend on circumstance?
seeking the balance between masochism and selflove, sacrifice and martyrdom.. where does the line exist between allowing; and asking for it.

delivering value to the world..

there is a niche for all,
an offering for everything.
consolidation for the organization of your efforts
a support system for every thought,
every instance,
every expectation,
every facet,
every notion,
every aspect of conscious living,
entrepreneurship to loving,
conscious coaches for each step of evolution,
a therapeutic solution to every emotion,
transient religions
....to monetize your processes of existence?
(when) ....does it become a shortcut to true discovery & learning?

& to those whom provide a valuable service
where does the balance exist ...between art & conformity to marketable design?
does delivering your value to the world, in all of its splendor, become compromised by selling?
by generating income on the evolution of others,
'pon exhibitionism of beauty,
by creating a packaged, buyable version of artful insight, or of unique n' genuine creation
do we sell out?
or are we delivering authentic value in the name of the greater good?

why question if your intention is in integrity
for, .... is beautiful to co-create better realities.

are we disciples of the universe?
disciples of ourselves?
disciples for experience and her great and many teachings?
perhaps all 3 simultaneously... and in synergy with the frequency of the reality we create.

i pray words in time with breath breath in time with heart
alive in the presence and returned to the source that drives the unseen momentum


words embody the notions that i cannot otherwise release,
emulating the motions of the soul.


" it is a tremendous act of violence to begin anything "

as with all things new, destruction breeds creation and like the phoenix we shatter ideals and demolish barriers and turn breakdowns into breakthroughs with so much fury when impassioned to rise up.
the way of non-violence must instigate a more subtle and organic form of commencement.

along the path to discovery we listen for clues whispered in the breeze. silently conspiring to strive for peace while mired in excess and aggression both sensory and otherwise...and the wind will tell us the sacred stories of nature that reflect our own innocence, our innate ability to sprout naturally and sans-violence and destruction, of forcefulcounterproduction
...everything beautiful is born from suffering, and to loiter too long down the halls of seeming ineptitude leaves space for the chaos to breed.
believe in the way of organic creation,a peaceful and purposeful place to begin is paved with faith.

inclination toward inspiration
sensory elevation
it is with love that we attune to the frequency of universal truth.

travelling without moving;
neither contrary nor arbitrary are the instances by which we discover grace...such mesmerizing subtlety cannot be substituted nor pass under the guise of familiarity..
grace is a nuance unique..  likened to the caress of a breeze that brings subtle resolution.. a peacegiving intuitive dance, beauty of persuasion without motive. simple, understated, elegant,...& no further from your fingertips when you are aligned.
...each time i imagine grace, attempt instinctual knowing... i envision a great oak, majestic under blue sky and vast fields of golden canvas... the breeze of grace lives here, delicately revealing admonition of her presence, grace floats in like wisps of a dandelion blown in with someone's wish...
'cross the habitat of your spirit.
the tenor of grace is to bless.
with sensual stillness we discover its axiom of peace.

in the sweet territory of silence.....

"In many shamanic societies, if you came to a medicine person complaining of being disheartened, dispirited, or depressed, 

they would ask one of four questions:

When did you stop dancing? 

When did you stop singing? 

When did you stop being enchanted by stories? 

When did you stop finding comfort in the sweet territory of silence?"  

- Gabrielle Roth

this was a beautiful notion that graced my presence today. 

especially resonant for me at this moment, as i am rediscovering the art of stillness, the strength of silence and the curative power of listening to one's own inner narrative/

it is within silence that we become attuned to the enchanting voice of our hearts, 

the storyof our soul derives its best material

from those artful moments

the unbridled joy of movement...  frolicing freedom... sweet spellbinding song of silence...in unleashing wonder and expression.

give voice to your healing.

spontaneous affirmations - vol1

i am most thankful the universe delivers what i need
when i need it
everything is perfect
& just as i can often not see them right away,
answers are clear.

i am true to my heart &
give for the purpose not of receiving
but for goodness, for unity

i thank my clarity for bringing me further aligned &
always ensuring i am provided for. i am in harmony with the laws of nature &
i reap the abundance it brings.
i am brave enough to work to be in the flow &
my courage fosters compassion &
generosity in others.
a thank you turned inward
brings prosperous & vital moments.

ive never been so sure of just how i was going to make it from one space to the next
planning seemed so greyareasans-impulse... ambivalent to the moment.
...focused effort in one place creates change...
a balanced combination of nowism and foresight, has been recommended to achieve the most successful degree of accuracy in just how to compel progress via quelling the dwelling too far toward futurism...
executing this, is surfing the wave of reality while balancing on the revival of presence.
-a perpetual lack of presence, creates discord in the heart thus resonating the frequency of chaos into otherwise clear-minded goals...
because goals are nothing anyway if you cant show up for 'em now.

alleviating unanswered excerpts from your life
the courage to be kind and strong, willful despite circumstance,
graces the arms, and the hearts, of not everyone.
take kindly to the invitation to relieve suffering, on multiple levels.... in so many incarnations... never sway from the lips of higher wisdom.
the truth that roots in your body like a grounded fortitude unfit for debate,
allows space for the solution to breathe... and it weaves into your awareness, like a great quilt of inherent &artfulknowing... a beautiful, brutal, unquestionable wingedgift...thats been there all along, patiently perched on the foot of the sofa, ...unfolds its wings revealing:
it is with integrity to my own inner knowing that i am affirmed in my inklings.

occupying.

" dont miss the point because you dont like how it looks on the outside. the world needs people who have a voice. the reason the world is in this situation, now, is in part due to the fact that people dont really, truly have any real power over the larger issues. and that sense of powerlessness breeds another great host of issues... as it stands; things are set in place by forces much bigger than us, and we abide and obey and work to flourish within them. we call it a free world. yet people starve everyday, people who work 80 hours a week to feed their kids, peeps who cant afford healthcare- die slowly, the list is endless, and yet you are right, the corporations only get bigger, richest get richer, and we, in chaos, kill each other, and we blow up countries... sterilize for population control,  we reward greed..... what kind of fucking species destroys its home? humanity's evolution has been suppressed. .... we've done a great job of silencing ourselves... i dont disagree in one regard, with your anti-protest perspective, as sitting around with a painted sign, cant foster any real change,  but in another regard, i fullheartedly believe that there is no way life on this planet will survive without a real revolution."

that was an excerpt from a conversation that transpired around a friend's encounter with the occupy toronto protest, in response to his expression of 'embarrassment over the state of st. james park'
its his belief that no real change can happen by the act of " sitting around complaining and pointing the finger"
my perspective round this is manyfaceted.
given that the medium is the message; it stands to reason that the outward appearance of this movement, ( " hippies sitting in parks smoking reefer" was one take i heard. )
could be perceived,  as a messy answer to an undeniable, ever-present dilemma.

that said; the bigger intention, the bigger motivation, the bigger message,
what the movement is based on,
is what matters,
not what a bunch of peeps, who are occupying a park, are doing whilst being present.
consequently, the medium is the message, and thus the way peeps get portrayed, the perceptions of others, the actions of some, the ignorance of others, unfortunately, makes a very important message somewhat distorted..

i believe the real question ought to be
how do we improve our quality of life without destroying one another, and the world we live in?
big question.
there are a thousand answers, there are no new ideas, only different interpretations,
what is within our capacity, is to believe, to strive to overcome, to make change where we can truly affect it, within our own minds and hearts...
the revolution starts within.
barriers are illusory.
freedom is in being first, and doing second.
translated to action :
give voice to your authenticity. create more beauty. bring more value.
focus within,
be compassionate; sans-judgment, with presence and loyalty to the undeniable true power;
love.


 ' occupy'
to engage or employ the mind, energy, or attention of.
to be a resident or tenant of; or dwell in.

the purpose behind the premise is presence, being present, in this moment in time.
whether its en-masse or in silence, the concept is correct and its a perspective that can free.

destination adromeda - uno

adetailed view at treason upon the soul...
innocuous instance that i am unleashed in insight,
to excavate-
buried, the truths that carry so seamlessly, the ability to heal.

casual sorrow, like an intermittent warning signal to wake up and thrive.
there are no oceanscapes that can retrieve the inner canvas from its detached,
and graffiti laden exhibition on ego's easel.
are you adding to the continuous unravelling of the heart's muzzled cry of joy,
for its fashion is a terrifying sense of lack of structure...A-line intrigues give way to ambient sacrifices in the closet of our suffering.

man, isittooearly,toomaterial, togoonabouthowdeliciousifeel,
that its leg warmer season? yum.

createyourspace.

in a lifescape of a thousand pocketdreams, pulling out change to feed the progression meter, becomes a required action. consistently reevaluating what it is that creates freedom, defines an authentic, truth-based centre of being from which the energy of evolution can flow unstifled.
how long does it take to refine your sense of purpose, what necessary motions need to be gone through, what series of mini-revelations pave your way in understanding, back to the place where you can deliver focused effort to your mission.
creating space for understanding so very often requires repetitive stumbling through previous lessons, what if we could widen the gap enough to get our perspective from the verge, and still emerge with the same enrichment in understanding, as if we dove headfirst into tragedy and painful pounding reminders of why we need to give up certain things... cease certain actions, burn down specific beliefs. and turn inward the force of love that propels all ventures- so that we remain consistently fueled for a shift in the way we're livin'.

...be here now.

carousing my way back to where i started seems like an elegant slip into the understanding i was unable to grasp without taking the crossroad, shifting the perspective and alotting for space to expand.
the key to integrating new awareness lays in the ability not to slip into a state of counterproductive clinging to outworn attitudes. breaking the cycle.
good love fight for everyday.
step back into the moment and press forward only with a freshfaced rhythm. call upon the unthwarted viewpoints of childlike innocence to nagivate your now with the shotgun accuracy of lightheartedness.

deliver yourself from being a product of the things that happened to you' by being an advocate for forgiveness and wonderment for the idomitable will of the human spirit to continue to exist.
flourish. be grateful. be new. unwrap the gifted ability to overcome.

instinct.intuition.inability.insurrection....

the ability to trust ones inner voice could arguably be the most important lesson in self love, &preservation. architecting reasons to deny the things that appear as if from a parallel dimension-  that we occasionally refuse to recognize, but simply as subconscious soundtrack,
- never saw built the landscapes and structures that would define a new era of abundance, throughout the empire you sought to construct, in supposed good faith.
- i prefer to believe in my own truths. particularly when they are coming from a place of worthiness and love.
after so many years of pattern repetition and perpetual alignment for future suffering,
i have come to a truce within myself, that i will no longer deliberately disobey that inner voice that whispers sweet nothings of vast value-
...whilst i stumble often blindly attempting to make decisions at the moment in which i have no other option but to choose whats been narrowed down by preconceived notions and tired deprication..

i hope to find myself delivered, to a place of quiet wisdom and fortitude,...one that allows reprieve for all the painful moments i have alloted myself on the path to freedom.

saints,salvation,simplification

i wonder through the heirloom nights in my manifested utopia... cornered by an inkling of a life i left behind....tinkering with notions of happiness..freedom spilled out the crack of a foundation built on hopeful imagination. the sea is an enchantment of infinite proportion\ rest safely, delicately, arousing transformation while centred in your space of integrity. rooted instigation. speak the truth.

2 moons into a loyal self-committment and i have yet to forsake myself but progress is slow.. i imagine great vast plains and sacred longlost harbours in the caverns of my mind as i unfold with a sort of grace that can only be described as hidden innate, simply waiting to be uncovered. blessed are the days i awake to the sea...great spectacular revelatory miracles are the sunrises in my world and i bask in the glory of awakening each day, the lotus of understanding may be unscented, but it certainly adds a irreplaceable aestheticelement to the entirety of existence.
i suffer no longer save for suffering if only to evacuate my soul of any remnant. i have lived so many years, days and moments with the silence, with the smile in the midst of so much pain. though i believe happiness is a choice, and i strive to live this notion, it serves to be said that sorrow & sadness, has just as much a viable, valuable place in the emotional makeup of our existences. is like the beautiful dance between creation and destruction, light and dark, yin & yang. i have relished many years this feeling of suffering, wearing it like a belt, carrying it like a immensely valuable cargo, and while the lessons have undoubtedly come through via the suffering, i dont believe its the only way to learn.
i am in this instance on the verge; looking down, looking across, deciphering the oracular messages that arrive in the wind....and i believe in this moment i will take the fork in the path. jump down the vast and limitless cavern, with faith i will be caught when reaching the bottom.
i choose to deliver miraculous instances glorious painted dreams to my eyes, i choose to bring a joyous sense of warmth to my organs, i thank my temple for having carried me thus far, and ask forgiveness for the hurt i have inflicted on the way to now.
forgiveness is the first step in any great transformation, forgiveness of ourselves, forgiveness of all those who have hurt us, forgiveness for not stopping the patterns, or breaking the habits, or releasing the baggage much sooner. there is much to be derived from someones character in how easy it is for them to forgive.

i sense slumber on its way to grace my countenance and committ to a wordless dance with her muse.
never ceasing the in-breath, i clear the way for the wellness to flow.
i abide by no law but that which frees. that which places love atop it's empire
i am given to sacrifice for unbridled love; and witness its healing once more.

.

much time spent as the ar.tinmotion catalyst, becoming...observing...empowering...awakening...delivering the divinely infinite yet thoughtlessly simple messages to the eyes that i am to impart them to. learning through the flow..breathing into its deep knowing... oneness..nonduality...i am given to distraction as by nature, there are countless notions worth exploring ... inexplicable intensities to unravel the mystery of... yet in seeking there is no answer. the answer exists already, found, evident, in the moment when we realized we are aligned...
someone put it to me this way last night.. my love said; as i pondered the difference, or rather the distinction or the fortitude, or the overall authority- one sense of knowing ought have over another...
he said; if you, in
thought, heart, and affection are not in harmony, in agreement, in the same place, at the same moment. something is fundamentally wrong. now i choose to replace the word 'wrong' with, perhaps, ' less worthy of focusing immense effort or energy. '
but this truth is something that's resonance cannot be disregarded as we move toward greater enlightenment, greater peace, greater sense of wholeness.
i wish to fulfill my purpose from a place of both authenticity and complete unity of my faculties of understanding.
as i believe, it is only in that place that we find true connection.

i have been ever in the idealist's space, creating great beautiful intricate woven worlds to support my romantic dreams of profound meaning... and most certainly all in its time, serves its purpose, but from an evolutionary vantage point, in those instances, those extended periods, however essential to the process as they mirror our opportunities for growth, are not entirely, truly, authentic.
and once we have seen the magnitude of truth, there is no substitute.

i am breathing, low and quiet in the space where i foster loving reprieve, channeling it upward as sunshine on the garden of my heart.
my mind becomes a clear path for delivering the words and the visions that liberate.
let it not be dissonant.

and so it is... as i sit before 30 feet of sliding glass doors open to the breeze of the carribean sea... and it blows in soft....nonchalantly sweeping away all past moments in its path.
how it is i got so lucky to be in this surreal paradise, private beach villa... warm tropical waters healing all that has ever taken me ill, i will never know.
the belief that the goodness we bestow returns to us manyfold, is no cliche, but i adamantly believe that one must abide by selfless action, giving without the intent to receive in return, indiscriminately delivering goodness and love and fostering fellowship to the masses without expectation for repayment. the universe, she always finds a way to balance... it just so happens that my balance is found in an unrivalled utopian dream amidst turquoise waters and sea air that rebirths, permeates to the core and sets free the intent to ascend.
the peace that sets in as one travels home can only be described as a concept, a quickening and at once a slowing, an awakening of familiarity.
on the edge of civilization, we are cradled by the elements as they bequeath their paradoxal glory in ever tempestuous consistency.
a metaphor for exile this moment wherein i know my purpose. displaced from visceral.
wherein i am bringing thought capital to the table. and a feast of world changing proportions awaits those who choose to dine in silent reverence.
a moment wherein nothing but what i choose to give is ever expected. how blessed.
 i am alone. and never alone. oneness with all. nonduality is not just an ideal.

tornpages vol1

lovelettertomyself.

you're welcome to read mine, but you must commit to writing your own afterwards.

by no stretch of imagination was/is it easy. 

and certainly not easy to do from a place of truth and authentic, non-egoic, self-love

call it an exercise in devotion... reach in and touch that place of juicy gratitude 

for all the wonderous things that make you so entirely beautifully uniquely deliciously you.
talk about the qualities that garner your respect & appreciation for yourself..
deliver yourself love for all the things that you offer so selflessly to the world and to those you love... 

for those things create the warmcentre from which all love and life and joy springs.

somewhere amidst the twilight of fearlessness, our future baits us wtih precision accuracy, like a surgeon, an idealists tool has crafted ploys of possibility in order to drive you towards digression.
hold firm in the moment, be charged with the notion that all will come in its time... the universe bestows her blessings on patience.

10 things you can do to actualize your presence.

1- stop. breathe in.... close your eyes...exhale and smile. :) you are alive.
...conscious breathing deems it as such.
2- look up ...towards the sky, towards a window, towards a loved one. focus on what you see, appreciate its artful relevance to your now.
3- speak aloud the words of freedom, your words. whatsoever your freedom song is.. let it graceyour lips...
i am. it is. and so it shall ever be.
4- imagine all of your moments prior to this, determine them no longer relevant, only brief synopsis on the inside bookjacket-cover of your story.
5- taste something. water, an orange, a tea leaf...whatever is closest to you... take it to your lips and let its flavour inspire your mouth with reverance for its delightful -unique-ness. cinnamon. cherry. vanilla... jasmine...honey.. yum.
the taste of now.
6- sit up straight,  tuck your navel to your spine in the eye of your mind... alignment transcends flesh.
feel the space between your vertebraes... allow the energy to flow between them. a collapsed spine is a collapsed mind.
7- listen to the sound of your in-breath....imagine it is a great wind thats blowing across the planes of a miraculous haven inside your body.
8- place your hand over your heart. feel the warmth from the palm..effortlessly connecting to your core, feel the powerful, never-ceasing rhythm here, the centre of all the universe is born in this space.
9- smile. feel how the simple expression changes the entire composition of your being, lightens it, removes latent negativity, creates an easeful sensation of simplicity that can translate into so many languages. smiles, have no dialect, so much information is carried here... all the purity of life. :)
10- &now that you are present, you can tend to whatever loose end is distracting you from bigger and better progress..

vivalaluz

in seeking no answer will come..one must suffer into the flow of the universal frequency as it does its divine work through us in each moment, capturingour hearts to set free unto the limitless
dissolution of ego, release of former accents, definition...lessening of understanding paves way for greater heart-centric values to take action..
how is it lives perpetuate cyclical branded suffering without the notion of its superb ability to teach us just what we so over-compensating-ly seek
suffer no longer the light has returned. ....retorno de la luz..... and all things become purified, as we've waded long enough..and we've waited through the rough.. ever present faith has brought much clarity to our purpose.
speak now former demons, and seethe your last words as you're unleashed unto ash upon the horizon of a new tomorrow. ...tomorrow is illusory but for the sake of hope we shall still plant its seeds, not in vain,
ive ceased to feel lust in the late spring hours.. ceased to desire for much aside from space in which to breathe... consciously focused on the irreversible in-breath, elevation has no buttons in which to choose a floor.. comfort has no key to open a sliding, locked-down door.
laid out on what seems as if its tragic written fate, i watch the veil release.. unmasking miles of truth..
uncertainty unbinds us.
the path is never hidden, we only must perceive our footing.
emptiness... within...without....encompassing...evacuating...mimicing fullness in the mirror of outworn patterns.
ready to live?

the light has filled the room of your soul... become expanse...intricately simplified...divided and integrated once more.
you are home.

gratitudeglossary..108measuresofgrace

inspired by the whiff of a dream, recurring, only to show me there is nowhere to go.. each time i am hustling to catch some modeoftransport...struggling to make it onboard, outbound, onwards towards somewhere continuously undefined, elusive, without a passport. there's nowhere to go in the late hours of april...yet gratitude rises, springing eternal as the tiniest bulbs sprout forth their brave blossomsuntothelight...



gratitude for the inbetween moments where i am silently camped out,incubating elevating, dialating my awareness...
gratitude for neverceasing desire to do good. give more than i have, debate reason w/my ego.
gratitude for opportunity, however tiny, & gratitude for the ability to recognize & appreciate it
gratitude for excess for it teaches humility through it's painful lessons
gratitude for removing the metal cage around the heart...for busting open the 4thcentre... for its past-life reprieve, for understanding and consequent releasefrommysamsara
gratitude for the warriors on my side, your bravery inspires me to continue, your love empowers
gratitude for forgiveness, for releasing baggage and distended systems of belief, simplification is blissful
gratitude for listless moments..never idle...stillyetmoving..
gratitude for small comforts, icing sugaredcookies, blueskiesfortellingpromise, tiny purple flowers & mossy barked trees, gratitude for tea in the late afternoon
gratitude for listening, for the ability to empathize, understanding can be the element that saves a troubled soul
gratitude for laughter its miraculous release, its ability to pervade circumstance and shift all to higher ground
gratitude for not knowing, in the state of confusion, surrendering w/non-action we discover the flow
gratitude for abundance, its measure is limitless, its wealth is in the moments that we truly know joy
gratitude for redemption, each man deserves to sing his song of freedom
gratitude for sleeping jade-wearing kittens, purring happily at one's side, quiet company for the sleepless.

gracecount:32

tbc...

i never knew the nuances of suffering as a blossoming lotus to be adored.
always fought against them as reflexwould have us do...yet to disobey instinct often allows for the sweetest scents of new adventure..alotting for excess has no principle in the divine... moderation in our joy..in our sadness..calculated...uncalculated...balance.

i wait for something in muted evenings..under covers lucidlysedated by the season's shift.. some manner of numbness grasps and we yet seek more of the same..and long to awash on the shores of purified perspective..standing on the edge of evolution travellinginstillness through cyclicalpersistentpurposeful reprieve and restraint.

the moment, is it missed when we ponder it too loosely, divulge its splendor without graciousness to its art... ?..we can be crass in our seeming awareness..
i petition for a renaissance in grace.
symbiosisw/quietknowing, demure&genuine... so much talk about revolution.. about truth... in so many decorateddialects... delivered with too much ego.
sell me instead an effortlessly graceful perception. one that's scent lingers as it floats by...
delivering weighted messages of adoration w/the simplistic beauty of suffering's blossoming lotus.

Retaining a forthright attitude t’ward freedom, instead of consistently battling for the upperhand yields that much more in reward come lesson’s harvest.

The knowledge that we think we have a handle on, the wisdom that we proclaim to have earned, forget it, respectfully surrender to the notion that in the larger scheme, we are limitless in possibility, thus we are limited by strictfastholding to perspective.

I allow the infinite to flow through me when I give up seeking and remember that I am found, I only lose myself over and over again for the heart quickening notion of coming back full circle..

Somehow in that process we all become blinded, it’s a natural response...  devouring clues as if we are deciphering some cosmic mystery that in fact is laid out right under our steps.

We build bridges to close the gaps to our truth.

And we cross them cautiously, when more intrinsic abundance is found in the jump from them.

Renaissance ideals deliver conquest that has no meaning, 

a meaningful journey is not a conquest but a simple awakening.

what is it about sustaining this notion that is so elusive?

onewondersonewonderonesweetworld.pt.d

polaritiesshift... consistentlypersistentresistance to traditional ideals... in the interim between revelations wandering becomes wondering.. and in wonder, there is no answer.
wonderment though, is freshfaced hero, designing inspired worlds to coerse you t'ward happiness.. delivery from the mundane by deciphering the mystery of its glory,
retract your acceptance of ordinary, replenish its definition..
call out the details that distract you from progress and explore their ability to decode the solution.
trafficking beliefs is for the weak.
truthisnotastockoption.
providespacefortheperceptionsthatwillfree....

movingthemovementmanifesto#216

triathalon for the soul begins with a step into the present. a forgiveness..awakening, not foretold....experiential coersion..everrevealinginstance.
can you confront that which binds you to all that restraint?
unleash to live for something, in confident altruism... itleadsthelighttoigniteyourdarkness...
mayyou not uphold darkness & fear
when twilight signals retrospect
come clean
ready to begin?
unravelyourego.
that which binds each to each is also that which is but an illusion
i await i.
grieve not those negative words that saw you embarkoninsecurity...be woven anew with no whiff of tragedy.
iam.
beautiful,
wise,
temptedbyescape...rootedinpurposefuldestinationlessness.

learning the wisdom that's ingrained into the body at a cellular level.....howsicknessmanifests from ego&illwill...stuntedevolution... lifetimes of memory kept catalogued within dna ...asphyxiated by inability to retreat to the inner-world..our bodiesmapourjourneyacrosstheunknown..insidethem
cinematiclike dances of insight weave us blessings to exonerate us from ourselves.
amazing how simple a concept it is that we are love from the start... yet without first reaching within tounleash deep compassion for our perceived glitsches and imperfections we remain paralyzed and shackled to a projected ideal set in place by the ego to deceive and perpetuate our suffering...
in a place of ego we can never truly love ourselves as we lack the fundamental will to truly see ourselves..blinded by expectation.
in absentia from true nature we do not understand love.
dont fear the journey of surrender....the notion of being destinationless is a difficult dream to let die. become liberated from.
witnessing in loving acceptance, we become safe in the moment. present in authenticity.
in love there is no destination.
compassion is the only action deliveringfreedom.
in a braveactofunconditionallove.in this midnight...with newly articulated wounds taking up residence in my organs, i shall cultivate the wisdom that's layed out before me..by compassionately diving into the pain.
its through continued oftenseeming incessant strife that we are forced to learn how to truly live...

onewondersonewonderonesweetworld.pt.c

...as related to an earlier chat discussing the notion of 'mirth.'
my favorite or...perhaps least contrived or trite sounding intepretation is something like this:
merriment generated by people who are hearty, generous, benevolent...
spontaneous amusement or gaiety, manifested briefly in laughter: uncontrolled outbursts

frolic
effervescence
...often exceeding the limits of reason or propriety.
a conceptbest leftunfettered by expectationoranticipation.  
i lay in the aftermath of some such merrimentmanifest, postsnowyfrolic...ingratefulawe... w/such profound, astound @ all that is.. the intricate uni-leveraging art of each moment as it miraculously encircles our awareness...penetrating once we have given way to recognition... arisestomeetwonder...there are no ordinary moments.. there are no untapped instances in the true sense of being inspired inrealtime...by life as it speeds by, leaving none unafflicted. yet masses still missing the moment. 
do we adjust our speed in/when/whilst becoming present?
its the notion of becoming unencumbered by the wisdom of now that leads wandering hearts to anchor.
be still, and the art of stillness shall save you from fleeting notions of destination.
i am destinationless.
..&in an agonizing instant, realizing the breadth of the lessons that are to be now confronted have made their own journey here through attachment...detachment...dismissal...digression...diligence. 
seems mirth has another purpose beyond deliveringdiscretionlesssmilesandlovingreprievefrommundane...
...to blossom forth purposefulpain in its wake, thedarkcosmicfireywrenchinggrowthinducingpainthatdrivesevolution.
perhapsbenevolencewillrisetothechallengeagain.
in the meantime. iam.

still.

&howeverlackingreason&propriety.meetingdarknessw/light.

tbcw/p4

 

unleashingoldbaggage.

hard to define the immeasurable majesty of descending through subtle worlds from 30,000ft.
remarkable realms of clouds that seeming assuredly contain yet the gods of ages past, wandering, dispersed...
( much is a blur the hours leading up to the moment when i plunged for the first time into the carribean sea... mouth full of salt, heart near to exploding with joy....)
...the vibe in cancun was that of urban sprawl personified...a concrete jungle of all inclusive resorts...the biggest starbucks i have ever seen... corporate domination is indescriminate...
backroads of poverty and a cultural difference that makes a weeblonde canadian girl remarkably evermore grateful for the lifestyle by which i was raised.
shoeless children kicking cans in the dirt...leglesswomen with cups seeking change..
never gets any easier for me to endure the reality of human suffering...empath's plight.
.. i am learning how to build blocks without putting up walls.. but compassion is key to evolution.. so i yet struggle for the balance.
i dozed in and out of jetlagged consciousness as i was driven to the soundtrack of bad 80's music...barry manilow etc... the 90 minutes it took us to get back to tulum... mayan riviera is akin to bali in the 70's so i am told.
down a 5mile road with no lights..
arrived at the mayan retreat that is to be my home for the next 15days.
crashed to the roar of ocean
cut to this morning
light rain...
the parrots here are very effusive in speech..
the vibe is lax. and eclectic mix of people makes it feel very homelike to me, cultural diversity is underrated.
&the magical mystery tour a-la-helengoldstein begins...
50peso cab ride into tulum finds us wandering the dirt sidestreets to find a shaman who helen's scheduled to be @ for 10am.

she performed a powerful ceremony....in front of an altar... 3 eggs... singingbowl...and very strong intent.
feasibly to determine energetic imbalances..blockages...etc...
the smoke from the resin incense ....filled the room loaning transcendental nuances to the 15minute ritual.
spoken entirely in spanish yet little is lost in translation concerning the power of prayer..
for confidentiality's sake details will be limited.. 
cracked eggs in glasses of water reveal whats to be worked on..
she prescribed a hawaiian mantra used to cut old ties, patterns of behaviour, residual energy from past relationships....

im thinking of it as a prayer to release baggage

visualize what it is, who it is, where it is that needs cleansing, renewal, release
a pair of scissors in your left hand and a torch in the other...
...see yourself cutting the ties with the left, applying fire with the right.

Ho'oponopono mantra 

"I am sorry
forgive me
I love you 
and I thank you"

im sorry. forgive me. i love you. and thank you. im sorry forgive me. i love you. and thank you. once a day, for 45 days. minimum.

the view from where i sit is lush,rustic,i feel like ive been here for years. mexican time is like comparing human to dog years... everything takes 8 times longer than what's typical.. although as i am discovering the nicest cultural difference thus far... that many peeps would appreciate..
is that business meetings seem to  be an average of 15 min long.
who wouldnt dig that.

onewondersonewonderonesweetworld.pt.b

... truth being a concept i refuse to spoonfeed to any given entity, save myself sometimes ironically).. that's where the notion of our mirrors in the world enter one supposes..
i can only rightly say that having been awake, truly awake, in the consciousness sense for longer than i slept during my years in this incarnation, i am still baffled ( poor context? ) by the vast array of uniform blur that seems to exist in the peripherals around the concept of truth. by all stretches it could be proposed that truth is a subjective claim, much like all else, thus subject to interpretation and the only true reality... perception. peeps aint really that blind are they? not really that ignorant or lacking the openmindedness to learn?.. ( willingness is another subject altogether )
although idealist that i am, i much prefer to believe that beings have predisposition to being born with inherent understanding of the ultimate concept of truth, and spend often, lifetimes learning information that really is of little consequence to true happiness..and thus upon the proverbial awakening.. then have to unlearn so much of the blatantly useless information that hogs precious mindscape realestate.. leaving little room for expansion much less the breadth of a concept so vast that its presence renders some perpetually unable to progress due to the chaos that ensues when knowledge around the infinite is not appropriately managed.
in any case, truth be told, it is that notion, that keeps anexpanseconsciousmindscapesawakeinweehoursdreaming...spinning the wheels. i have had some formal mindfulness training, with some skilled leaders in that venue of thinking... yet still... technological advances in entraining the frequencies of the mind... substancesthatprovokemeditativestates...and even forgiveness..does not let one sleep who's shrouded in fire.
give me one more moment to subdue lest sacrifice becomes imminent.
..ever awakened by the beauty that is all... blinded by the art of life.
tbcw/p3

onewondersonewonderonesweetworld.pt.a

11.15.111215am
moments of circumnavigational reprieve lead one to believe... or speculate ...though i am not fond of the notion of speculation as i believe its essence is rooted in a fundamental negative nuance that disproportions the weight of chance.
it eludes to assumption.. redolent of grey area...the woulds and shoulds and coulds of negative emotional programming.. ought is a word ive been seeming intrinsically replacing in the vocab, where the shoulds typically pointillate articulations,  one day the elimination of all resonance of should will fill my universewquiet sense of resolute purpose.
until discovery of such term..ought ought to do.
ought to get closer to a point. w/outdigressions pointillating..
subconsciously compiling an almanac of spurious actions projected by a specific species of seekers.
iniquities abound often in the most spiritual of sanctums. we ought'nt judge for the notion of unique challenges and the dutiful openheartedness of a bodhisattvatempered outlook leads one to empathy.
forever perceiving innate truths in all is a tough gig. esp. when uncalled upon or leading to distraction of purpose and frustration of priority..a tough gig but someones gotta execute.
bigworldchangingideas take root in the truth. ....tbcw/ptb