I was asked just now...

"Do you ever wonder if our entire universe is quite simply the dream of some random fifth dimensional being... And we are but details and dynamics that craft the most intricate, beautiful and rich tapestry of deep delta REM"...

an entirely nonchalant inquiry that led me to recall my own relative curiosities previously pondered... Perhaps we are indeed as simple as the tiniest seed of a dandelion floating across a vast verdant field, blown by the hopeful breath of a child wishing for a life of love....

What does it take to be a man?

In 2011 my heart was broken... despite any cliche term it serves as a way by Which to paint the correct image. 

although not by any traditional way you might envision- 

no boy meets Girl 

they fall in love, 

boy betrays girl, 

Chaos Ensues and boy loses girl...

Moreso, the story was one of A lack of courage. the courage it takes to be a man. to stand Up for what you love. 

to back Up your inflated claims of ability. 

To dig deep to show up for all you swore..

to be accountable for the seeds you sow...stand beside your loved one when those seeds Are too soon unearthed,

when near death tragedy precipitates profound loss-

... Does a real man abandon responsibility? 

To promises spoken and Unspoken?

Or does he remain safely displaced, in insulated disgrace,

missing in action while his counterpart faction- suffers under the weight of tremendous pain?

while she was leaving what she began to regard as her only true spiritual home - Ejected by perceived family, with no plea of insanity- for an inability to pay for mistakes...

does a man allow himself to fall apart, expect her to piece together his emotional baggage, to pack it back up neatly to be tagged and checked..?

yes it has been years since this all transpired.

And all these questions ive previously answered, 

finding resolution in myself.

finding forgiveness in my owning of the threads,

Id tied,

And bound,

And lost and found,

Id knotted them all long ago.

released from all suffering and ego..

Yet still i question my sense of a man.

i lack trust and no longer lust for the intimacy that once defined my balance.

No matter how many times the soundtrack is played, the song remains the same.

No matter how the plot is reimagined,

the story always ends the same.

Despite the questions posed in vain,

The answer forever bares his name.

my love lost continues to hold space- no matter how much ive released in grace.

What i will never know - i accept in love.

in honour of my mended heart, 

i strive through art to fully be, a wholly healed, forgiven she.

And while i suffer still with a physical bane and the medicine holds no answer for my pain.

Each time the test results come in,

i wonder and relive all over again,

Through the scars and the nights of love under the stars, 

through the out of focus rearview...across a questioning horizon...

 i ask , what does it mean to be a man?

But so what?

Pieces broken never mended.

Heart marred and faith scarred,

So fucking what.

what could he have offered to ease the loss, could he have honoured me,

Could he have brought back what I lost?

could his strength have carried 'we' during times when i was too weak to carry just Me?

The answer lays in the reality that I've never been too weak. 

Battered and bloody and emptied out by tools, double my weight on my back,

Stuck at the border and in vulnerable disorder,

And Nearly escaping abduction,

alone and atoned I warriored back to the place where I began.

Ill never know more than I know now.

Regardless of how clear the answers are.

Ill never discern what I might have learned if my heart was not burned by your corwardice.

the strive to recalculate, re-instate, learn to appreciate our untold story is a journey unbound by the mind...
in the wee hours of winter we await the erratic, tempestuous springtime to prove her legacy inaccurate with days drenched in warmth, an instant redemption from february's frozn promise.
the quickening takes hold of those on the path, arresting awareness unabashedly, without reprieve, delivering curated truths to re-align us with ourselves.
the answer to the question is the question itself. or rather lack of need for any questioning...

the masses who lay asleep in their manufactured prisons,
do they not deserve to be awoken lest they miss the opportunity to transcend?
once i believed that my dharma was to be a catalyst for all whom cross my path,
in vain- i struggled for victory in the canvass for their souls, knowing not i had no power beyond the intangible breath of inspired action,
departed now from the tethering of attachment to the strive to evolve all else,
with a wisdom awoken within i have no compulsion to fret with the dis-informed troops of a failing system. still i love them all the same.
within the great sacred geometrical vortex of our bodies,
 answers unfold like a golden spiral- awaiting the nod to begin its growth,
for every quarter turn we make,
we re-confirm our interconnection,
with a divine system of perfection,
and in line with natural order there is no strife henceforth to contend.

02.26.14
11:23am

Affirmations In spite of despite

Although often uneven, belief measured against practicality,

The balance exists in the intersection of courage to believe despite tangible value... 

Despite poverty- your intentions remaining sound, your spirit sustaining its high vibration,

Despite limited ability to access resources,

Your emptiness remaining pure,

Your nothingness retaining its allure of non attachment...

Despite lack of intimacy,

Your faith in human connection,

Your arms outstretched to receive your blessings...

Despite perceived defeat,

Your will fortifies a victory regardless,

Your pheonix rising from fiery ashes...

Despite constant meeting of obstacle,

The obstacles morph when met with wisdom,

Your knowing inspires a breakthrough each roadblock...

Despite all of the things that create destruction,

Light is dark, as cold is warm and 

To honor balance of this synergy 

cradles the chance for genuine rebirth...

Despite the failure of our founding fathers,

We tread lighter and find success without succession...

Despite the broken hearts of all gods creatures,

Despite a massive decline in moral values,

Despite being left behind as the greedy climb up their invisible ladders that lead to nowhere...

Despite unenviable challenge to bridge the divide, to reconnect the disconnection,

To facilitate true and authentic connection,

May be our only hope to warrior forward...

Despite the pain and illness,

From a toxic strategy to fuel the darkness,

The healing comes from choices that nourish,

From decisions that demand your integrity be tested,

Comes therapeutic learning and opportunity to begin again...

Despite despair and degradation,

Despite driving forces that demand your willing demise,

Despite the corporate evils that command you,

That orchestrate owning you and in effect make drones of you...

Despite your ignorance,

And silent complacency or noisy agreement...

Despite your amnesia,

Their are millions awakening,

Each moment cutting openings,

portals to escape from the zombie society...

Despite being mind controlled,

Your consciousness is a weapon to defeat your programming,

Despite false reality,

Our default state is clarity,

And thriving lucidity...

Even 'midst the blinding tragedy and toxic lack of liberty,

manufactured prisonry,

And chained up spirituality,

Despite all the crafty pleas to remain under sovereignty by those without humanity,

You cannot change the destiny,

Its coded in the DNA of each and every one of thee,

Genetically disposed telepathy and a foundation based on unity,

The massive solidarity of all species of humanity,

A cosmic map without a key,

No locks or codes required to see and embrace all that's within me,

I simply shift perspective to understand my liberty,

My birthright to my own sovereignty,

At one with those who've become free...

Despite the road ahead of me,

I embody positivity,

An arsenal filled with possibility...

02.05.14
12.11pm